How can I motivate and inspire you?
By
A while ago Miriam Ryan, Chair at the Widow’s Foundation asked me if I would like to write a few inspiring words for this organisation. As much as I felt flatter, I was terrified as I did not feel that it was my place to write anything as I am not a widow. Till last night, when I remembered something I tried to suppress in my memories. Even though I have not lost my husband (I even do not have one), I have lost my first love when I was 19 years old. It was an innocent love since the primary school. We were best friends. He had problems, yet until now I feel guilty, that I couldn’t do something to help him or save him.
He was at the detox, that what I knew, passing that day his building and looking up at his windows of the 10th floor. If I only knew he was home. If I only knock the door and walk upstairs, maybe he will be still alive. I did not do any of if. I knew he was at the detox far far away from his home. Later that day I received a phone call that he jumped out or was pushed from his window from the 10th floor.
My first love was dead. I did not get a chance to even say goodbye. I did not get a chance to save him ….
That devastating thought was for a long long time with me. Years after, I was constantly comparing every single man to him. I was never ready to open my heart and my head to be with anyone. Till one day some wise woman from Australia, told me out of the blue that I need to let go. I need to say goodbye in order for his soul to rest in peace and for me to be able to live my life. I did not know what to say. I was in shock, how come she knew? That night I was biking home and started to talk to him inside my head. I did not think of him for ages. Yet I did not realised at that time, how much the fact that I did not say goodbye and did not let go, affected my life. I said to myself, I am still not ready though I will give it a try. It took me a week after the talk with the woman. Though it took me almost 5 years since he died. I said a proper goodbye, and a month later, I felt I am ready to be happy, to be loved again and the most important to love somebody. It has been many years since that profound moment in my young life. Now I am in a happy relationship and I am totally in love in my 3 year old son. I know I am not in anybody’s shoes and each loss is different. I know that each of us are dealing with pain and loss differently. Yet, as much as we need to give time to ourselves to say goodbye and to allow us to love again, we need to give ourselves a chance to be happy and live our life to the fullest. This is the best way to remember our loved ones.
Thank you Miriam for asking me to write for the Foundation. This has been kind of a letting go moment again.He is still in my happy and sunny memories. He taught me to take care of others, to laugh out loud and to dare to dream. We meet people in our lives for a purpose. Either to teach us something or to be taught by them. Lets think of all those who pass away as our teachers. Give yourself a moment, close your eyes and think of at least one thing you have learnt from that person. Say thank you and try to pass it on, maybe there is a person who needs that wisdom in their life.
Joanna Trawińska
